Overwhelmed with love
by Mamaoftwo on February 13th, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
I’m sharing this here because I want the world to know how much I love my husband.
Honey,
I have wanted to tell you just how much I love you so many times in the past week, since our son’s birth, but it seems I can never find the right words, or just when I think I have built up the courage to tell you, I lose it again. Or I can’t find a way to put it in words, or without bawling my eyes out.
I know I should not need courage to tell you how much I love you, but I do, one of my silly little things from my childhood that holds me back I guess.
I love that you were so strong for me during the baby’s birth and that I could count on you when I needed you the most. All the other stuff doesn’t matter, ’cause the only one I paid attention to and who mattered to me was you.
I’m so sorry that your in so much pain now from his birth, due to your illness. I know your in a lot of pain and tired a lot, an I undestand why that would make you crabby. I’m sorry I get snappy or crabby and bitchy with you, but please, please, please know that I am here because I love you and I need you in my life too. I guess I get that bitchy because I feel safe with you. I have never felt safe before in my life, and that scares the crap out of me, because every minute of the day I expect something bad to happen to take that away from me. Even with all the thinsg in our life we deal with that are less than perfect, I LOVE our family and our life and I am so scared that I could ever lose that.
I love you more than I am ever capable of showing you, and I’m sorry that it seems that I can’t but I am trying.
Thank you for our son, he is the most beautiful little boy in the world and I hope he grows up to have your morals and family values and strength of character. I LOVE that he has your brow 
– in case that was missed in my ribbing.
Thank you for loving me even when it is hard or impossible to do so. You’re the only person in my life who has never given up on me, and we both know there are times when you should have.
I love you eternally & forever.
Tossed Salad of Feelings.
by Mamaoftwo on February 7th, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
Since the birth of our son, someone said to me:
“I was glad to see that you weren’t unassisted this time, not because I disagree with it but because of (your husband’s) illness and (your 4-year-old). I thought about it before the birth but didn’t want to say anything then.”
This is my response to their email about it, that revealed to me some of my feelings on the birth that I am still trying to sift through:
We had decided to hire a midwife that would be hands off so we could decide on what we wanted based on how DH was feeling the day the baby came. We had not planned to call for the birth because DH was feeling pretty good (for him, in other words was not out on his feet) and adrenaline can do wonders in the time of need, but I had a prenatal appointment with them and they showed up with a student in tow (who was NOT supposed to be at my birth because I had not met her in advance). Based on my progress over the 40 plus hours prior, they stayed and prepared for a birth based on where I was in the contractions, etc. Had I not had a set appointment that day I probably would not have called them at all until very close to or after our new son was born so they could check him over. We felt they were here for far too long. It just got uncomfortable.
Obviously, I have a lot of feelings about the birth I am still contemplating, due to the newness of it all – but I was glad they were there for verbal support during the pushing. This new baby was bigger by half again as our first, and this labour was that much more intense as well – it was very intense with all back labour.
Not that DH was not great emotional support, but he was so busy catching and holding me as I pushed that the extra encouragement just when I thought I could not do it anymore was very helpful. DH did an amazing job even with his illness, though he is paying for his expulsion of energy and adrenaline now with some symptoms being more
pronounced than usual along with his extreme tiredness and pain (he has more
short term memory loss, speech is more impaired, and balance is very off). He doens’t care though, he’d do it all over again. He did most of the work at the birth (other than my job), then he had to rest, and relaxed with the baby while the midwives “helped me†post-partum (by helped I mean, in part, told me that I was taking too long to deliver a placenta, which was exasperating).
Still, as great as they were emotionally, and as good as the overall experience was, in retrospect unassisted is *OUR* best option. There are “interventions” and “management” that midwives cannot help but do that just bother *us* too much. Birth is not a managed event like a concert, it is free flowing… and hubby found that he often had someone “in his bloody wayâ€.
I had my neighbour here to be with our daughter regardless of any midwife in attendance, and that was the best decision I ever made, especially my choice of person. She was everything I anticipated and could have asked for, and more She is a great friend and this experience has only confirmed and strengthened the friendship. She is the only person I trust my kids with, even over some of my own family members.
No matter how much midwives believe in the naturalness of birth, they cannot help it… they are trained to watch for any variations from “normal†and “treat itâ€. Sometimes it feels like they spend their time looking for a problem to fix, rather than waiting to see if one appears and dealing with it then. This, for us, isn’t dealing with things perceptively and intuitively, and runs against our beliefs. It also caused us some unneeded aggravated feelings with this birth and there was a definite “anxiety†vibe they radiated even though things were fine.
I can say with some assurance that this is our last planned child, and that I will likely not be birthing anymore – 8+ months of tiring and sicky pregnancy feelings, along with caring for DH and two kids would be hard to do for me, so we are feeling quite finished. But, if we were ever blessed with another child unexpectedly, we will likely be going unassisted in the birth for sure.
Photos of the Day
by PolarBear on February 6th, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
Yeah. More. Doesn’t it bug you when people have new babies?
Auntie and Uncle come for a visit and bring presents, too!
Big Sister finds out she will have to wait to babysit until she is 12.
Dozey Toesies
Boy meets Bird. Boy loses bird. Bird goes back in cage for poopin’ on Mommy.
Hey Dad, Cool Camera!
Hi Mommy, can I make faces with you?
Mama kisses, pucker up!
Picture Parade
by PolarBear on February 5th, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
By popular demand! Ok, well, not really… but here are pictures from the first 3 days of the life of our family’s new addition:
50 mins old, posing with his big sister
4 hours new and slinging out with Daddy
Uncle J visits at 5 hours of age, his first family visitor
Thinker Jr. and only 12 hours post-womb
Bright eyed & Bushy Tailed at 21 hrs new
Meeting Nana
23 hours and Sis & Bro ham it up again
New PolarBear Outfit @ 46 hours old, I wonder who picked that out? Note that it was bought on his first short trip (to Wal-Mart the evening before at a day old)
Snoozing after 54 hrs on the outside
Sweats and Tees Already and only 3 days & 8 hours old
Naps are good
Mommy catches a biiiiiiiiiiiiig streeeeeeeeeeeeeetch
And a sleepy tango to say goodnight…
Hope you like. All pop large in new windows, or they should if your pop-up blocker doesn’t try to stuff them. Its amazing how much personality he is already showing, some comes through in these pictures.
Kissy Face
by PolarBear on February 5th, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
Its just too cute an expression not to post.