Accord
by PolarBear on April 6th, 2010
filed under Heartache, Neurodiversity
Things aren’t “all better”.
They are improved.
The last few days have been somewhat hellish, filled with conflict as they’ve been.
In the end, though, I think some realizations have been reached. I am not sure how much I want to share yet (or even if I can, as I basically suffered for sharing the last time and I don’t want to go through that again) – but I hope to be able to explain better sometime. It actually might help someone else, someday… I hope.
There is a struggle ahead, for sure… and a lot to learn. But at least there is now a beginning – an understanding of what may have been going on “behind the scenes” in the wife’s mind for a number of years – nay, make that her whole life.
One of the more ironic things about the situation has been that while I’ve been worrying about the thought of her taking off and wondering what I would do when/if she does, SHE’S been thinking that I wanted her to go, which was never the case. I want the downward spiral to stop BEFORE things get completely broken.
I had one of those “Holy shit!” moments this morning while I was reading something related to an xntrek posting that seemed to confirm something that up until now was only seen as a remote possibility. Because of that, there are new paths available to be taken to move forward in resolving some of what appeared to be relationship-destroying communication difficulties.
I’m feeling more hopeful today.
Don’t ever get me wrong, I love this woman, and we’ve been through a lot together. I didn’t want to give up… I was just beginning to feel that it didn’t matter what I wanted any more. At least now I know she is still committed.
