Mother’s Helper
by Mamaoftwo on January 15th, 2006
filed under Uncategorized
My 5 year old DD has become wonderful mothers helper for me…this has become such an enormous help to me , I find I am less stressed, and I am finding it is a positive thing for her too.
For those of you who don’t know the background ( if anyone even reads this LOL)we have a unique dynamic in our family.
My husbands’ illness ( CFIDS/ME) and his inability to do much in the way of physical parenting with me, leaves me holding the torch. I care of him and the extra needs his disability entails, and I do all of the physical parenting routines with the kids, as well as the housework and most fo the exterior yard work all myself. This can leave me at my whits end on not so good days!
Turns out a mother’s Helper was a great idea, but affording one is another story.
My daughter and I have made a working deal.
I am so glad we waited the 4 years between children, like we initially planned when we got pregnant with DD ( to give each child in infancy and baby hood as much baby attention as possible without neglecting the other child)
At their age differences the attention they require or desire are so different that it is much easier ( for ME) to parent a 11 month old and a 5 year old then say a 2 year old still much in the baby stage and an under 1 baby as well, like my siblings are doing.
Out of pure exhaustion, and a headache a few weeks ago, I asked DD if she would play with DS in her bedroom on the floor with the large Lego and I’d put the baby gate on the doorway so I could go lay down on the bed in our room, right beside and I could keep an ear out for them if they needed me. I told her she would be like my “mother’s helper” and I would pay her a toonie for a half hour, so she would not have to do other chores to earn her Sparks dues and ride money to her meeting the next week. She was very willing and excited to help.
I went in and laid down after they got settled and I actually fell asleep and rested for about 45 minutes! They were quiet and having lots of fun ( mostly parallel playing and some of her guiding him teaching him colors and counting with him. DS just loves his big sister, and when mommy cannot give love and kisses and snuggles, big sister is the next best thing:) and she loves how much he idolizes her LOL. ( even now at this age they have their “leave me alone” moments with each other, but for the most part they get along great!
She has now proclaimed that she wants to be a “professional baby sitter” and this is her beginning training. She says she is going to have 5 babies when she grows up and marries a dump truck/ cement truck driver LOL. Oh and they are all going to be breastfed, slung, cloth diapers, home schooled and born at home in a fishy pool, just like her and DS were, she tells me LOL…but she’ll let HER kids eat different things then the rest of the family for dinner if they want to instead of force them to eat HER food like I do to her LOL. ( she is on a “only cheese and crackers” kick right now)
Now, If I am getting stressed and over touched and frazzelled from DS’s high need for affection I will ask her if she would mind helping me and playing with DS for a little while. She is usually more then happy to, but if she is not, I accept her answer happily and back pack him or sling him. I always make sure to ask in a question form so she has the opportunity to say no ( I remember not being given the choice as the oldest sibling, when my parents wanted a break, I was just told I was, and it didn’t matter what I had planned or was doing at the time.)
Also though, very often she will come to me about 10 minutes after a no and ask if she can play with him up in her baby safe room, and I allow her to do so and thank her for her offer, though on occasion I will turn her offer down JUST in case she is offering because in a 5 year old way she feels guilty.
It has helped a lot, give me a much needed break now and again, and not need to hire a babysitter from outside the family I don’t know, and also so I don’t have to leave the house to get a break.
Larger age gaps are great 
Happy New Year
by Mamaoftwo on December 31st, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
Aren’t all Buddhist ‘SUPPOSED’ to be Vegetarian?
by Mamaoftwo on December 3rd, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
I had a conversation about being Buddhist and NOT being a vegetarian recently with an online friend. She asked why I chose not to be, and this was how I explained it to her.
Just sharing in case anyone cares to read it.
Yes, many Buddhists are vegetarian. I often get people asking me how I can claim to be Buddhist but still eat meat. Let me be clear: there is nothing in the sacred text or writings of the Buddha that says a Buddhist HAS to be a vegetarian. I don’t follow a particular sect of Buddhism, I follow the eightfold path and read the dharmapada and follow Buddha’s teachings, as they are sound wise ways to lead your life in my opinion.
Vegetarianism came about over time due to some Buddhists feeling all life is
sacred and not wanting to kill any living being, and feeling that they
could eat sufficiently and healthy by omitting eating animals. The
truth is, all things we eat are alive at one point or another and have a
life force even if we don’t understand it or dismiss that lettuce is
alive for example. Herbs and plants that give us nutrition are alive,
and their interactions with our bodies create a relationship, so we
should be just as humble about eating a tomato sandwich for the tomatoes
and the wheat and live yeast organism than rose the bread with which we
place the tomatoes on, as we would if we were thankful for the tuna fish who gave his life, if we ate a tuna sandwich to nourish our bodies (which are our temples in this life). It is important to understand that the main idea of Buddhism is not that there are “deadly sins” or irrevocable wrongs, but that things must be done for the GREATER GOOD. There is a balance to everything, including the concept that under certain conditions we (as societies or individuals) may have to kill. If the choice is to end one life to save a hundred, ending that life would be for the greater good, karmically speaking.
In order for me not to kill any living organism, I would have to
cease to eat and therefore cease to live myself, and that is harm to a
living being as well (harm to our own self is just as “un-Buddhist” as
it is to harm another being). As a Buddhist I believe the all life is sacred. Be it a lady bug, a leaf on a tree that is alive, the bacteria in my yogurt or a human being. Who am I to choose which life is more important? The life of a cat is just as important as a worm’s life, or as a person’s life, and being a Buddhist, that worm could be a reincarnation of my brother who died at 32 or my grandmother who died at 88. If I would treat them well in their past life in which I knew them, then I will try to treat all living things well, because they (1.) deserve it, and (2.) could be someone who might be from your past interacting with you again.
We come in contact with all other living beings for a purpose, nothing
is fluke or chance in life. Karma sets it in motion our life before we
are even born, and I know each and every person in my life for a
reason. As a “good” Buddhist, it is my responsability to interact with all
living beings that I come into contact with, as I would wish to be
treated. It is funny but a saying that Dr. Phil has is very Buddhist
like, “You are either contributing to the relationship, or contaminating
it”. As a Buddhist, I work very hard to remain mindful and try to make sure (not always successfully) I am contributing in a good way to all relationships in my life. even with my food. My greatest weight loss has come since I became Buddhist. I
still struggle, old life habits are hard to break, and the life I led up
until I became a Buddhist was not conducive to eating healthy or just for fuel for my body. I know that this lifetime is not my last lifetime and I have many more lives to be reincarnated and experience before I ever reach Nirvana.
I may seem like I’m getting off track or “preaching”, but it is all
connected, and I only explain because you asked, I wish not to “convert”
or convince anyone. I respect everyone’s choice to chose and have their
own faith.
So, rich people sleeping in their silk PJ’s and flannel bed sheets
tonight are no more or less important than the poor man on the street
tonight, cold and hungry, searching for shelter and food. And a cow is
no more or less worthy of being saved from death to nourish me then the
lettuce growing in the garden. Sadly society in general does not
understand this concept, and many vegetarians who chose to be so
they are not killing animals, don’t realize they are killing everything
they eat, no matter what – unless they have found a way to survive by eating sand.
Society sees the rich man as more important then the poor man. A baby who dies is mourned for longer and harder then the old man who suffered with alzheimers for 10 years, and died scared and alone in an old folks home, with no family around him, because his family went on with their lives when he got ill, simply because society thinks that becaue he had more years on earth. His life is somehow less worthy of mourning than the baby who died without pain, in the arms of their loving mother suckling at her breast, as she slipped away from a birth defect just 12 hours after they were born.
As I mentioned, as a Buddhist, I believe that the soul of a worm could
very well be a reincarnation of my grandmother, that a cow may very well
be the soul of my reincarnated brother. All Buddhists believe it in varying degrees, but we do still eat meat. Mainly because of what I just explained above, if we
are eating a living thing regardless of what we choose to eat, eating fruits and veggies over a cow, is no more or less unkind.
In many places like Tibet, where Buddhism is a very predominate faith,
they can hardly even grow vegetables due to climate and soil composition,
and have goats and other livestock to raise for eating and for their milk. They
can hardly grow enough vegetables and beans etc to survive off them solely, and therefore have diets very rich in meat.
Our family is very conscientious of what we eat, and include other sources of
protein such as lentils and legumes, eggs, peanut butter etc. But, they all still are a living thing that was harvested, created, or killed to allow us to eat it. We also
eat about 1 to 3 vegetarian meals a week depending on how we feel and how time allows, and use very little meat when we do eat meat, but mainly for health sake and to be dollar wise.I can make two pounds of ground beef into four meals. We eat fish and tofu and TVP, largely as well.
We are very consciously aware of the lives that are lost for us to eat,
and we bless the souls that gave their lives to nourish our bodies every
day. We also thank the earth for growing the plants we eat and the sun
and rain for nourishing them as well so that we may obtain life energy
from them. It is that living being’s karmic “destiny” to be chosen to be
eaten, as it is beleived that everything we experience in each of our
reincarnated lives is a life lesson we need to learn for past
things/wrongs we have done, in order to bring us to enlightenment (in laymans
terms like Buddhist “heaven”) Buddist’s beleive that we are continuosly
reincarnated until we reach a state of complete enlightenment and
goodness and purity and lack of all want and are then passed on to Nirvana, which
is like another realm, where we no longer need a physical body to
contain our souls and we are released from the earth bound existence for eternity as energy (Kind of like the movie Powder if you know it).
So…A tomato grows… we pick it, it dies, from the moment it is
plucked from it’s vine it begins to decay and die, become wilted,
redder. How do we know it does not have a soul? I and many other
Buddhists do believe that it does have a life force, and that soul that was reincarnated into a tomato, was destined to become a tomato and be plucked and
eaten. The tomatoes on my vine that I forgot to pick and got mouldy and
rotten off onto the ground, also was destined to become THAT tomato.
and it still had goodness in it’s life even though many see it as a
waste, it nourished the ground that it fell onto, and will help the
tomotoes next year grow. It was Karma, and the cycle of life.
Many do not know that Buddha himself was not a vegetarian. Through the
stories and accounts of his teachings written and passed down through the
sacred texts by Buddha’s followers, it is believed that he actually died
of food poisoning from eating bad pork. He never had an animal purposley
killed to nourish his body, but he did not turn away food offered to him
by kind people on his travels and teachings. Very often he ate meals of
the meat variety, but he had to know that the meal was not made for him
specifically, or he would not eat it if an animal had been sacrificed
specifically for him.
If I am invited to someone’s house for dinner as a special invite, not just invited to stay because a meal was near taking place, and
they ask what I would like, I ask them to make whatever they were going
to make for themselves anyway, not to buy or make anything special for
me, so I am not requesting the death of anything.
Some would say that I am not a true Buddhist for eating meat, each sect
of Buddhism has their own reasons for certain beliefs, and many I do not
personally agree with because they are not the teachings of Buddha but rather religious dogma accumulated over the centuries. I far more believe that what makes a person a Buddhist is the kindness in their heart and following the eightfold path rather than what they put in their stomachs, to nourish the body.
When I first found Buddhism and realized it’s teaching was truly how I
felt in my heart, I had a large struggle with eating meat and feeling
like I was going to be forced to give up meat. Feeling terrible for my
eating meat and enjoying it, and not wanting to give up a steak meal or
a pot roast, that I do enjoy on occasion, I sought answers from more
knowledgeable Buddhists. The following really helped me see that it is
not what I put in my mouth but how I act in life that will make me a
good or bad person.
The following was an excerpt from a website that no longer exists.
Sadly, because many Buddhist work for no pay or for charity, many
Buddhist web pages have come and gone in the past 7 years I have studied
and followed Buddhism, due to lack of funding to keep them going.
***************************************************
1) Buddhists should be vegetarians, shouldn’t they?
Not necessarily. The Buddha was not a vegetarian. He did not teach his
disciples to be vegetarians and even today, there are many good
Buddhists who are not vegetarians.
2)If you eat meat you are indirectly responsible the death of a
creature. Isn’t that breaking the first precept?
It is true that when you eat meat, you are indirectly and partially
responsible for killing a creature but the same is true when you eat
vegetables. The farmer has to spray his crop with insecticides and
poisons so that the vegetables arrive on your dinner plates without
holes in them. And once again, animals have been used to provide the
leather for your belt or handbag, oil for the soap you use and a
thousand other products as well. It is impossible to live without, in
some way, being indirectly responsible for the death of some other
beings. This is just another example of the First Noble Truth, ordinary
existence is suffering and unsatisfactory. When you take the First
Precept, you try to avoid being directly responsible for killing beings.
3)Mahayana Buddhists don’t eat meat
That is not correct. Mahayana Buddhism in China laid great stress on
being vegetarian but both the monks, laymen and women of the Mahayana
tradition in Japan and Tibet usually eat meat.
4) But I still think that a Buddhist should be vegetarian.
If there was a man who was a very strict vegetarian but who was selfish,
dishonest and mean, and another man who was not a vegetarian but who was
thoughtful of others, honest, generous and kind, which of these two
people would be the better Buddhist?
The person who was honest and kind.
5)Why?
Exactly. One who eats meat can have a pure heart just as one who does
not eat meat can have an impure heart. In the Buddha’s teachings, the
important thing is the quality of your heart, not the contents of your
diet. Many Buddhists take great care never to eat meat buy they are not
concerned about being selfish, dishonest, cruel or jealous. They change
their diet which is easy to do, while neglecting to change their hearts,
which is a difficult thing to do. So whether you are a vegetarian or
not, remember that the purification of the mind is the most important
thing in Buddhism.
Somebody’s Hero
by Mamaoftwo on October 10th, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
I heard this song on the radio last night while washing up the
thanksgiving dinner dishes.
I’m going to get a shirt that says keeper of the cheerios
it is by Jamie O’Neil
*”Somebody’s Hero”*
She’s never pulled anyone from a burning building
She’s never rocked Central Park to a half a million fans, screaming out
her name
She’s never hit a shot to win the game
She’s never left her footprints on the moon
She’s never made a solo hot air balloon ride, around the world,
No, she’s just your everyday average girl (but)
She’s somebody’s hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She’s somebody’s hero
She didn’t get a check every week like a nine-to fiver
But she’s been a waiter, and a cook and a taxi driver
For twenty years, there at home, until the day her girl was grown
Giving all her love to her was her life’s ambition
But now her baby’s movin’ on, and she’ll soon be missin’ her
But not today, those are tears of joy runnin’ down her face
She’s somebody’s hero
A hero to her daughter in her wedding dress
She gave her wings to leave the nest
It hurts to let her baby go down the aisle she walks right by
Looks back into her mother’s eyes
And that smile lets her know
She’s somebody’s hero
Thirty years have flown right past
Her daughters’ starin’ at all the photographs
Of her mother, and she wishes she could be like that
Oh, but she already is
She’s somebody’s hero
A hero to her mother in a rockin’ chair
She runs a brush through her silver hair
The envy of the nursing home
She drops by every afternoon
Feeds her mama with a spoon
And that smile lets her know
Her mother’s smile lets her know
She’s somebody’s hero
–
mama to two beautiful kids
“Butterfly” born 22/10/2000
& “baby boy” born 02/02/2005
best friend & wife to my “Mr Incredible”
since 10/02/1999
“geek girl”
by Mamaoftwo on October 6th, 2005
filed under Uncategorized
my daughter being a nerd for the camera, she is such a ham! I can;t beleive my baby girl will be five soon!